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| This in no way represents compensation for a tiny wang |
In today's episode of Cribs, let's explore how a Thai king gets his bling on.
Behold! The Grand Palace of Bangkok. Commissioned by King Rama I in the 18th century. Otherwise known as Phra Borom Maha Ratcha Wang, which means, Holy Bling Compensates for Unsure Man Vibe.
Step one: Old guy statue.
Totally classy. Conveys utmost wisdom.
Let's you have old people in your palace without that old person smell.
As ostentatious as possible.
That's right, I know big words too, middle school English teacher.
No palace is complete without a model of Ankor Wat. Sure, you can buy it in Skymall, but the craftsmanship will be pretty shoddy.
It's possible that the Chinese merchants who were kicked off the land that now is the Bling Palace actually built the place (they build everything else). Point is, add a life-size Spinx and a Chucky Cheese, and yessir, you have yourself a living space.
Now it's time to add some golden dragon scale banisters. I mean, you don't want your hands to touch stone, do you?
Here's a fun challenge. Try to think of one structure without pointing things that's famous.
Couldn't do it, could you?
Proof positive that point plus bling equals unforgettable!
Don't be a sucker and buy one of those plastic drinking birds. Get one of your own.
I know what you're thinking. What about the ladies?
Well, sure. Bling palace got to represent.
But why settle for lowly old mortal hags when you can have a golden cat tail lady with a badonkabonk and a sweet hat?
Throw in an extremely detailed action cartoon featuring humankind's struggle against those damned dirty apes.
Throw in a scary lion/cat.
For the love of God, don't forget guardian frogs.
And you've got yourself a bling palace!
